The wrap-up of the trip that hasn't wrapped up...

Ok, so what revelations have I had over the past four months or so? Surely there's more to this trip than just "I did this and then this, oh and then this funny thing happened." So here in a nutshell are some of my observations:

1. Sometimes I'm not as outgoing as I think I am. Many a time I've entered a packed common room in the hostel and taken the easy way out and just read a book or watched TV. To be fair, this is only due to the overwhelming scariness of just starting up a conversation with a random stranger half the time. The other half it's because on occasion it just doesn't seem worth is to stick your neck out there and spend time getting to know someone when the next day they'll be off in a new city and you'll likely never see them again. That doesn't mean I haven't met a ton of people on this trip - I have - but I would have guessed beforehand that I'd jump on any opportunity to chat with someone. I definitely go through all different moods when it comes to this. Then there are times like when I walked into the hostel in Dunedin, New Zealand at 5:30pm and was out with a group of people by 8pm, one of which I still email with today.
   
2. A lot of casual friends is very different from just one good friend. There are times when I love having all these different, unusual people from all over the world around me. And there are times when I'd chuck them all in for one friend who actually knows me! But it can also be liberating to share your innermost feelings with someone who doesn't know the background, who can listen intently without judging, who hasn't heard the story a million times and isn't going to be around to bring it up again. During this trip I have had thousands of short conversations with different people which doesn't nearly add up to the worth of one good friend. However, meeting these people, becoming their acquaintances and sometimes friends, having these conversations does change you in a way that's hard to explain. I've learned so much about other ways to be happy and fulfilled.
3. On that note, I feel like I've tried for a long time to be "normal" towards the goal of a good office job, settling down, getting married, having kids. (Going on this trip has certainly been in opposition to all that, however!) After meeting people with so many different ways of viewing and living life, I know that whether or not I do any or all of these things, I can still be "normal" and happy. It's very liberating.
4. I'm smarter than I thought, and not as smart. I'm braver and not nearly as brave as I believed. Your perceptions of yourself really change on this kind of trip. Sometimes I feel so incredibly smart (usually when surrounded by half-drunk 19 year olds) and sometimes I feel stupidly boring and uninteresting (usually in the same scenario). I know the decision to do this trip, especially on my own, is somewhat brave, but at the same time it's nothing to the kinds of things the people around me are doing. There are 19 year olds traveling through South America and Asia for a year or more. I went overseas at that age, but on a very planned, well-supported study abroad program in a country where I spoke the language. I could never have done what these kids are doing at 19 - it would be hard to do it now. I've met entire families who have left jobs and homes to travel the world together. I've talked to couples who met while traveling, where one or both has moved across the world to be together. In one case, it was 20+ years ago and they're still together. There are people who can talk to and befriend anyone. It's all very humbling.
   
5. In the same vein, there are so many fascinating people in this world. Which I already knew, but here it's so in your face. Half the time it's wonderful to be surrounded by this. The other half it's tough because it makes you wonder, am I as fascinating to them as they are to me? You tend to do a lot of comparing to others and since you only know a small portion of them - usually just the really interesting part - it's easy to find yourself lacking.
   
6. One thing people tell you about this kind of trip is that you will realize people are the same at heart, once you strip away language, culture, age and experience. What they don't tell you is that just as you start to see this (and I have on many occasions), something else happens to make you realize people are NOT all the same. There are some people who think and act so differently in this world. That's perfectly fine and probably as it should be (and maybe completely obvious), but a revelation none the less.
7. Material things have become much less important to me. I can't think of any thing that I miss at home, besides the general notion of the comfiness and coziness of my condo. I don't wish I had a particular shirt or skirt that I left behind (although I do often wish I had different clothes with me, just for variety's sake). I don't miss that poster I just had to have or the desk I agonized over selecting. This is something I've learned over and over, such as when I went overseas with just a few suitcases, but this time it's really powerful. I'm already looking forward to de-cluttering my life when I get home. What I do miss are dinners and games with my friends and family. It's the experiences I treasure. Just like on this trip - I've bought a few souvenirs, but not many, as it's the nights out, the skydiving, the scuba diving, the funny things that have happened that I'll treasure. I just need to make sure I continue to remember that when I'm home. Not worrying so much about material things will definitely be a stress relief - and will probably allow me to save more money for those experiences!
8. New has lost its fascination for me. This is probably the strangest one. Like anyone, I've loved buying a new CD, a new electronic gadget, new clothes. When I bought my condo, the vintage ones, albeit beautiful, held no interest for me. At some point halfway through Cambodia, while looking out at the ugly array of patched together electronics, houses and cars on the street I realized there it something to be said for not tossing something away just because it's not the newest thing anymore. In India, I was told "anything can be fixed" and nothing gets thrown away. Instead of buying the newest phone, I can just have my perfectly good phone repaired for a few dollars. Yes, having a blue door on a red car may not look great, but it still runs great so why would anyone buy a new one? That would be a waste of money and resources. Certainly a different way of thinking. It's along the same lines as the material things observation, but slightly different. Things no longer need to be useful AND beautiful for me. It's ok if they're just one or the other.
   

Wow, all this is really heavy after my silly posts over the past few months. You do tend to get wrapped up in the "how to I get to that museum" and "how much money can I spend on dinner tonight" and don't realize the things that are going on inside your own head. I do sometimes wonder how life will be at home. Will I just go back to my old life, with good memories? Will I radically change my life because of them? Or will I find a way to make small changes, incorporating what I've learned into what I had previously achieved? If so, what will that look like? I guess I'll have to wait another month to find out...